THOUGHTS OF AN EXPECTING FATHER

The news that you are going to become a father makes you happy because you know that some body from your own soul and chromosome is on the way. You want to feed your wife and thereby you want to feed your child. You will feel it all like a dream and still you dont know what to do? Suddenly duration of months increases. An attachment developes with somebody whom you have not seen but whose existence you know.

I always admires the power of almighty whom I believe is in the form of a Mother. It is from her womb that a new creation starts. From the day I heard that indication of life is there in my wife’s womb, I was thinking about how the transition occurs from zygote to embryo to a child. The mitosis, meiosis, cell division happening. Who makes it happen? It makes you still perplexed that you are part of the reason for the said creation though the timing and other factors are entirely under the master control.

During this stage, advices starts pouring from all quarters, be it relatives, neighbours or friends. In the meantime, you will make your own preparations. You will consult the doctor, take advice regarding the medicines, vitamins, health drinks etc. Spend lots of money on healthy protein rich foods, vitamins and fruits and after all this effort, the expecting mother will start her 3 month job, of nausea & vomiting . In the end, the expecting father will have to feed on all the vitamins, and other health foods, gaining weight and strength and courage to do all the kitchen work since your wife cannot even sustain the smell of boiling water. As a result the expecting father will put on weight and he will put on a tummy similar to expecting mother. There are still some excuses for putting on weight.

The expecting father is always very particular about the care of the mother and child. You will learn cooking and will do all other house hold works. These sacrifices, which you have not done for your wife till now, you will start doing for your child. (Exception proves the rule). The thoughts which came to my mind were .. i was a bachelor, two years ago, now am a husband and going to become a father... you are getting promoted... your role is changing.... the poem of Shaekspear came to my mind. All the world’s a stage and all men and women are players ...

The pains that a women suffers during the pregnancy period, gets converted to love and affection to the child. I think that gives the strength to the bondage between mother and child. What gives strength to the relation between father and child ? An explanation to this is that the ‘to be father’ gives a part of his life as energy to the ‘to be mother’ where there will be union of energy causing the happening of a new life. So in that way the ‘ to be father’ also expects to see how his energy has evolved to become a new life. In fact the mother feels the movement of the child in her womb and father feels the same through his mind.

When the Doctor is examining the expecting mother, the expecting father also feels anxiety, expectations and hope. Being a father is a special status which makes him more responsible resulting in elevated ego. His family evolves. He will feel that somebody is coming who will take care of him and who will act as a support to him. The long cherished dream is nearing giving the expecting father a new ray of hope, expectations and new meaning to life.

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

For long 28 years I had never gone outside Kerala and never lived outside Trivandrum. Now am in Ahmedabad, a place 3 days far from my native place. Now I have started measuring distance in days and hours rather than in Kms or miles. My friend for whom i was waiting for came along with his uncle in a bike. He belongs to Uttar Pradesh. We went to the flat where he is staying.

I reached Ahmedabad on Sunday. I had not taken any breakfast that day and was craving for some food. On entering the flat I realised that I will not get any food from there as the kitchen showed hardly any signs of cooking . I should not have expected that since both the inmates were bachelors. Oh! Sorry I forgot to introduce the other person who is staying there. He hails from Bihar. A very good friend, who I know right from my tenure in Bangalore. Actually the flat was taken on lease by him and he had gone to his native to bring his family. He was expected to return in a week which sounded an alarm in me. When he comes back with his family, we have to find out another place to stay. Oh ! not again.

Changing place of stay was troubling me since my days in Delhi. There I had to change my place of stay for around 2 to 3 times. When I was in Delhi, i got accommodation with another delhi born Keralite in Mayur Vihar Phase I in his own house. He was an employee of LIC and knows the in and out of Delhi since he was born and brought up there. He was staying alone in a 3 bedroom flat and one of my colleagues in Delhi Office, arranged my stay with him. We used to cook food and I got a good friend with whom I can have my spiritual talks (obviously he was interested),(which my wife cannot bear at all). He was such a kind hearted and wonderful character whom you will rarely find in this century. I stayed there for around 1 month but his family came from kerala during vacation and I decided to find another place to stay. I didnt take any flat on rent as my posting in Delhi was only for training and I was expecting a transfer to Bangalore where my wife was working.



I believe in God and often in troubled times, I could see the magic hand of God helping me. I was roaming around with my friend in search of some PG accommodations. We decided to have lunch from Kerala House, where we can taste our traditional boiled rice and other kerala dishes. There we happened to meet one of our students who was working in Kerala House. I had a short stint as a guest faculty in my law college and was teaching in evening batch of LL B where most of the students were employed persons. My student was a high ranking official in Kerala House and was having quarters facility. Understanding my situation, he readily offered to stay with him. I was having the luxury of kerala food which tasted so nice like i have not taken it earlier. I stayed there till I got my transfer order to Ahmedabad, which was infact very shocking not only to me but also to my wife. Now she has to take a transfer to Ahmedabad otherwise, we will have to stay in two states for the next term of 4 years.

Now here in Ahmedabad, the scorching heat made me so tired that my hunger doubled. I wanted to go out and have something. When I came back after taking bath, I saw my friend sleeping. I remember him telling earlier that he didnt sleep last night since he attended one birthday party of his nephew. I didnt want to disturb him. I thought of taking a light sleep and then go for lunch. When I woke up after 2 hours I found my friend still sleeping. I was hesitant to go out because, of the intensity of heat. Since I was not sure of where the hotel was I had to search for it and it was not advisable to do that at a temperature where the mercury is touching 44 degree celsius. I thought i will go out in the evening. My biscuit stock also extinguished and I had to survive with water. I had no other option but to wait for my friend to wake up from the sleep. Aroung 5 pm, my friend woke up and he complained me of not calling him. Both of us went out. The heat slowly came down, though you could see sunlight even at around 8 o clock in the evening.


We had some daba food. It was oily with raw onions which I dont like. Hygiene was yet to find a place in that restaurant. Cudos to my friend to find such a place. Even in Delhi, i went to a daba in Paharganj where the food was so delicious. From there I derived a theory that taste of food is inversely proportional to hygiene. It was disproved here. I think that rule belongs to Delhi and in Ahmedabad hygiene and taste are directly proportional.

In the meanwhile my friend started his search for an apartment. I accompanied him. As I was also in need of a house, I thought I will also get an idea about the rent and other conditions in this area. We went around the entire area where we were staying and the effort went in vain. Both of us searched houses, with the help of real estate agents/ brokers. Sometimes there was problem with the location, sometimes with the rent etc,. I was searching for a house in a good location, which is near to the office. The due date for vacating the house was nearing and we were unsuccessful in finding a house. So we found another temporary abode in the house of two other bachelors who were also bank employees. My friend hired an auto rickshaw, I had 5 bags and his luggage comprised of cloths wrapped in blankets, plastic covers, and I dont know, the entire rickshaw was packed with luggage. I managed to squeeze my body inside the rickshaw with my legs hanging out. My friend shared the seat with the driver. We reached the destination at around 11.o’clock in the night.

From our new place, my office was hardly 5 minutes walk. I had good time there. There were small showers of rain in between summer which acted as a temporary solace. In the meanwhile I fixed my bank quarters which was around 6 kilometres away from my office, an area known as Vastrapur, a good residential area in Ahmedabad. I had planned to take my leave for shifting the family at the end of month. I thought I will shift all my luggages and household articles which was dumped in my friend’s house in Bangalore. I decided to catch a flight to bangalore, where my wife was working, spent there 2 days, visit kerala for 3 days and return to bangalore. The Packers & Movers with whom I have already made arrangements, did the packing and my luggage started its journey to Ahmedabad. In the meantime, something surprising happened. My wife got a transfer during that time. We were not expecting that the transfer will happen so early. The news made us very happy, as we were preparing to bear the pain of separation again for some more time. I immediately booked one more seat in the same flight and off we were to Ahmedabad.

We reached there by 8 . 30 pm. My wife for the first time is coming to Ahmedabad, was not aware of the extreme summer though I have narrated my experiences to her. Hot wind welcomed us in the Airport, though cold chilly wind said good bye to us from Bangalore. I was watching her face expressions changing. Our apartment key was with my office colleague who was staying near our new flat. We went to his house to collect the key. The person who arranged the house informed me over phone that white washing is over and house is ready for occupation. My colleague insisted us to stay with him for a few days as our furniture and other luggages were still in transit. We had no other option but to accept his offer. He hails from Delhi and we had the opportunity to enjoy delicious paranthas and varieties of Sabjis prepared in typical punjabi style. Our luggage travelled for 3 more days before reaching Ahmedabad. I got a call from the truck driver, when I was in my Office, informing that our luggages have arrived. It was stopped in the check post. The driver of the lorry told me to go there and pay the Octroi charges to release the goods. Here again a mallu came for my help. One Mr. Nair, who was a transporter in Ahmedabad sent his workers to pay the octroi to clear my luggage. The entire luggage was unloaded. Now the biggest task was in front of us. To unpack the luggage from the 16 cartons lying packed in front of us and to arrange it. More than that we were starting our life in Ahmedabad and we have to make our home. ‘Home sweet home’ where we have to spent our next few years.